Looking for the perfect mother...

I'm looking for the perfect mother.  The one who knows what to do in each situation to make the child stop screaming, or how to teach them perfectly, or how to keep them in bed when they want to get out.  I'd pick Super Nanny, but she doesn't have kids.  So she's out.  I'm looking for a mother who knows how to handle every situation with poise and grace.  She doesn't get mad, she doesn't get frustrated and she has solved the biggest childcare issues.

Right now, I'd ask her how to teach a child to eat without blowing raspberries.  How to get the same child to sleep through the night and take his naps.  I'd like to know what the best combination of foods are and whether the current food he's eating will prevent him from eating "real" food in a year.  I have so many questions for this perfect mother.  Where can she be found??

Truthfully, I know every mother says she's not perfect.  But truthfully, I'm pretty sure some are much closer than they realize!! Me? I think I'm doomed to be the bad example for the rest of my life!  See, my kid falls and bumps his head.  He spits his food out at me.  He gets it up his nose and then screams when I try to get it out.  He refuses to sleep the whole night through and most naps are a challenge unless he's exhausted.  And I'm pretty sure I've gotten the formula amounts wrong once or twice or more. And just today, I bounced him around so much he threw up on me.

So, perfect mother, where are you?! Would you please show yourself????

What disqualifies you from being the perfect mother??

The evil vacuum cleaner...

Today, I cleaned.  Please hold your applause!  I know, it's shocking!  Anyway, some ladies are coming over tomorrow and you could see fuzzies and such hanging out.  So I knew it was time.  I've been having some issues lately in deciding the best time to vacuum.  I had tried during Jacob's naps, but that was a bad idea.  He would wake up and scream for awhile.  So then I vacuumed only when Josh was home so he could calm Jacob down.  That seemed to work greatly!

So today I decided to wait until Jacob was awake and try to vacuum then.  Fail.  He screamed.  A lot.  So I held him and vacuumed.  I think I almost died.  That kid is heavy!  Anyway, the cleaning was less than neat but I think I got most of the spots!  Now I am left wondering what to do the next time.  I tried to reason with Jacob (which works well with a 7 month old) to tell him that I controlled the vacuum and he was safe.  We touched the vacuum and talked to it.  And then I turned it on again.  Screaming.  I know it seems silly to reason with a 7 month old but I've always promised myself I would give him reasons when I tell him no.  So I'm working on that with anything that scares him or that he shouldn't do.

But even with all of this reasoning, he is still scared.  He is still frightened of that machine, and I definitely do not want him to be!  Especially since I want him to do this chore when he grows older so I don't have to... HA!  I've questioned a few moms, but I still need more help!  Any tips??

What chore makes you want to scream??

The tale of the traveling poop...

I think my son has found a new game to play with me.  Lately, it seems that when we drive anywhere, he decides to poop.  Yes, yes, I'm all for getting things out that need to come out.  But this is becoming a little ridiculous.  As soon as we left on our way to a family party, he started the familiar sounds and facial expressions.  Ugh.  And then today, when arriving downtown, the familiar stench wafted to my nose.  Double ugh.

I don't very much like to change poop.  But that's not the worst part.  It's the fact that it's winter and it's cold.  On the first trip, we couldn't wait another hour and a half to change him.  Today, there was no changing pad in the building we were headed to.  So I did the horrible.  I changed him in the car.  You may not think that is horrible if you've never done it before. 

Let me describe the first situation for you.  I didn't feel it would be nice to have the door open and expose him to the frigid cold.  So I tried to change his diaper in his car seat.  Epic. Fail.  The poop was so far up the back and I couldn't get to it by myself.  So I called in Josh for reinforcements.  The kid was almost upside down while I tried to pry the poop off of him.  Goodness.

So today, I thought I'd take another route.  I decided I would just expose him to the cold.  Bad idea.  He screamed for the entire change.  Frankly, I was expecting some pee in my face based on the temperature.  Thankfully I didn't get it.  I know you were all thinking what a good story that would make!

So I'm out of ideas.  How do I change the poop without getting him cold?? I need ideas mommas! Help me out!!!

Those pesky people at the grocery store...

Today I took Jacob with me to the grocery store.  If you follow me on twitter, you know that my ham was bad and our dinner ended up being pepperoni and cheese subs.  I consider that a new low.  So I tried to talk Josh into stopping by on the way home and grabbing a few things.  He informed me that since I was going to be out, I could stop too.  Blasted.  Failed plan A. 

I had a play date at Chick-fil-a this morning, so I decided to go to the store afterward.  I thought it was a good plan.  The only problem I could foresee was Jacob not getting his morning nap and being a bit grumpy.  So we headed to the store, and he did pretty good.  If he started to fuss, I used the pacifier (aka Shut Up Stick per cousin Rachel).  The problem came when we got into line.  Since he couldn't see me, he got upset. 

I guess I'm used to being surrounded by other moms who understand.  They give that look of sympathy and compassion.  They understand.  They know what it feels like when your kid goes berserk.  Unfortunately, I was not around any of these people at the store.  Instead, I received looks that said, shut up that kid before I beat you to a pulp.  Ok, MAYBE that's a slight exaggeration.  Maybe they were just annoyed that he was making noise.  But really?  He's a baby!  And he was doing good!!!  And truthfully, I kind of like if he annoys those kinds of people anyway.  Next time I should encourage him to keep yelling...

Any secrets for grocery store shopping?  Any tips for disgruntled shoppers??

I should be skinny by now...

I've worked out three days in a row now.  Three days!  And for almost an hour each!  The aerobic walking (no chuckles, children) takes 28 minutes and the firming is about a half hour.  Honestly, I am sweating like a beast after the first part.  And then my muscles are aching by the last part.  And the weight is steady.  Sure, sure it's muscle.  Yep, water weight.  Mhmm it'll start going down tomorrow.

ALL LIES.  I should be stick thin by now!  I should look like a Kardashian sister or a lingerie model.  Frankly, just putting in the DVD should make me lose a pound.  And since I've put it in three times = 3 pounds!  I am so proud of myself for actually working out, but every time the scale doesn't budge or, even worse, goes UP, I want to quit and eat a package of Oreo's.  My motivation plummets the minute this happens! 

So there's no hope for my muffin top.  I believe it will stay intact for 10 years until I convince my husband that a tummy tuck is in order.  I'm just going to have to buy huge tops and constantly walk around with my belly button sucked in to my spine (as my coach, Leslie Sansom says every time she yells tummy tuck).  And maybe, just maybe, I'll stop eating everything I see.  And I will finish that disgusting soup for lunch instead of trading it in for macaroni salad and chips.  And yes, that is what I had for lunch.

What issue do you face when dieting?  And what's your favorite program/exercise routine to help you keep the muffin top in control??

Crying it out...

So, before today's post, I need to write about something I saw on TV.  Do you remember me talking about the post-pregnancy jeans?? I think I found them!!!!!!!!!!! https://www.pajamajeans.com  That's right, pajama jeans!  If any of you try them out, let me know what you think!  I think I'd have to do some serious convincing of Josh to get some...

So as of Sunday night, Josh and I agreed to begin working with Jacob to sleep through the night.  I was pretty sure it would be horrible.  I was pretty sure we would be awake for hours on end, and we would never sleep again.  Ok, I may be a little extreme.  Just a tad.  Good news?  It was no where near that!  The first night, he woke up around 3am and cried for about 15 minutes before going back to sleep.  WHAT?! Is that for real?? I was shocked beyond belief! 

Last night, he woke up at 5am for a quick pacifier reinsertion and back to sleep.  This is amazing!!  I can't wait for tonight in hopes that the sleep is amazing.  Man!  I think we're both kicking ourselves for not starting this earlier.  I think crying it out is a very good thing to do when done correctly.  Here was our plan:

• Go in every 5 minutes to replace pacifier, flip over, cover with blanket, etc.
• After one hour, pick him up, calm him down, and do whatever was necessary for going back to sleep.
• If after 7 days there is no difference, stop and try something else.

We also made sure that Jacob didn't need the food.  He is over 18 lbs, has 4 meals a day with rice cereal in his bottles, and he's in the 75th percentile for weight.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night!  We also bought overnight diapers so the potty is not an issue.

So that's what we did.  And it works!  And I wish we had done it much sooner!  Here's to more consistent and wonderful sleep!

Have you done cry-it-out?  What method did you use for sleep training?

The tip toe game....

We are finally back from our whirlwind trip!  We had such a wonderful time and Jacob completely enjoyed all of the attention and love lavished on him.  And boy did he get some awesome toys, clothes and books!  And a mini soccer ball.  How adorable!  So now the game is to find space for everything.  Josh says he's coming home tonight and reorganizing as well as throwing things away! 

As we were traveling, we learned a new game.  I would like to call it the "tip toe" game.  Jacob was very excited to sleep in the room we were in.  So excited that he woke up and hung out with us in the middle of the night.  The reason?? My tip toeing does not work.  I thought I could enter the room stealthily, take out my contacts, change into my pjs and get into bed without waking the baby.  I was seriously wrong.

I don't think I've ever held my breath or paused mid-motion than I did this past week.  It was amazing how easily I could just stop moving and wait.  At one point, I stood still for 3 minutes waiting for him to settle down.  I'm also amazed that apparently my husband has this tip-toeing ability.  And honestly, it makes me a bit jealous.  He needs to teach me the finer points of the game.

All in all, we survived sleeping in the same room and are very excited that it won't happen again for awhile!  Maybe by then he'll sleep like a log.  And I'll be able to learn how to tip-toe...

Have you ever had to tip-toe?  Do you have any tips or pointers????