When do I get to sleep????

Last night was bad. Super, super bad. Jacob was up every two to three hours. I'm at the point of no return!! I have absolutely no idea why he won't sleep. Gas? Teething? Hungry? I feel like I tried every single thing and he WOULDN'T SLEEP! Argh. I'm pretty sure I was going to lose my mind. Blah. Maybe I did lose it??

So this is probably the only point of motherhood that I absolutely hate. I hate going to bed having no clue when I'll be getting up again. No idea how many times I'll be getting up or what will happen. Ugh!! And in the middle of the night, I am so very sleepy that I'm lucky if I make it to his room without running into doors!!

There's something about sleep deprivation that is just soul defeating. There's the headache that lingers for hours, the way my brain cannot make sentences, and my amazing ability to run into everything. Literally, everything. The only hope I have?? Watching my nephew sleep 11 hours a night. Hopefully someday we will get there!!!

What is the one thing of motherhood that you absolutely hate??

The smell of poop...

Well, if that title didn't grab your attention, I'm not sure what will! So as I am feeding Jacob at 12:30am and 5:00am, I realized that something very bad was going to happen. I was going to have to change a dirty diaper. The interesting thing?? It happened twice both times. That is a total of FOUR stinky diapers last night. That is a LOT of poop for a little boy who before wouldn't poop for days!!

As I change the diaper, I breathe in a long breath of fresh air, and then breathe through my mouth until the new diaper is on. MAN, those things are nasty!!! I'm not sure if it's because of solids or just issues going on in the digestive area. But dude, those things could knock a person out!! It's funny, whenever I change a dirty diaper and Josh goes in hours later, he says it still stinks. Maybe that's a diaper pail issue?? Anyway, it lingers!!

I heard all the time when he was firstborn, "Wait until you start solids!" And I thought, geez, these are bad already! Guess what - they get worse!! So, if you are able to breathe as you change your little ones diaper currently, I hope you now realize that this will soon end. And if it gets worse, I don't want to know!!!

When did you start holding your breath while changing diapers???

The nap fairy...

Oh boy. Those darn naps. He used to do so good with his naps, and then all of the sudden, he thought it would be much more fun to hang out with mom instead! Unfortunately, mom needs some down time too!!

So as I was researching how to get him over this "45-minute nap intruder" I found that if you startle them around 40 minutes into their nap, they skip into the next sleep cycle without really waking up. So, how do you startle them?? Well...

Some people rub or pat their babe until they startle. Someone whisper a bit until the child moves a bit. Me? I stomp my foot on the ground. Ha! I tried to pat, I tried to talk, nothing. He still kept waking up. But stomping? Pure gold!!! You would have paid gold to watch my husband's face the first time I did this without telling him what I was doing. HAHA. That was priceless.

So, what do you do to ensure that your baby gets his/her sleep???

Breaking the rules...

I would love to have someone do a guest post!! If you feel like you have something to tell about motherhood, please let me know!! Or, if you just have an idea, I'll take those too! Otherwise, you may hear about a lot of things you don't want too... :-D

So some of you may remember me writing about our poop issue. I just wanted to let you know that it is no longer an issue!! Yay Jacob!! I hope when he reads this in 20 years he doesn't beat me up. Anyway, I ended up going with my gut. I stopped using his meds and just waited. And amazingly, he is pooping up a storm!! Ask anyone in my homegroup... Ha!

This brings me to the point of all the rules and ideas of pediatricians. Although I know they have a great deal of knowledge, sometimes moms just know better. And not just peds, but the AAP and many other places that tell you what to do!! There are so many "rules" that I have broken and I'm sure there are many down the road. For example, Jacob sleeps on his tummy and started solids a few days ago at 3.5 months. Why?? He wouldn't sleep on his back for more than two hours. He was so hungry he was waking up every 3 hours at night. Does this go against "the rules"?? Heck yes. Is it right for my child?? Absolutely.

So, what rule(s) did you break??

Spit everywhere!

So in the last month we've gone from constant spewing (which does still happen!) to saliva pouring out of his mouth. Maybe pouring is a bit of an exaggeration, but there is always something coming out!! And truthfully, I find it to be more disgusting than anything else. Currently, I have spit-up and drool all over me. Bah. And at this point, I've given up changing my outfit every time he throws up or drools on me!

I have to say that the drooling and puking is worse to me than pooping and peeing. I don't quite think that is normal, but it totally is to me!! I would rather have to clean up poop and try not to die of smell than feel the warm goo all over me. Ugh!

The other thing that amazes me is how I can be so unaware now of the puke on my shirt/pants. So many parents have commented about going to work with puke on their outfits and I would continuously think, not me! I won't be like that!!! And then, one day, someone came to fix the dishwasher. And when he left, what did I see? Yep, that's right. Puke on my shoulder. Sigh. Gross!!

So what part of having a baby/small child do you find the most nasty???

My wonderful(?) new body...

When I was pregnant, the one thing I looked forward to was having my body back again after I gave birth. Even though my mother and sister-in-law both told me it wouldn't be that way, I decided they were wrong. My body would be my body again!

Well, like many things, I was wrong. My body has been transformed into a new state. I feel like by saying it's my "badge of honor" for giving birth to my child is just an excuse for the flabby tummy, stretch marks, and the scar from my c-section (as well as other saggy parts that shall not be mentioned).

On one hand, I am so amazed that my body could create and sustain a human being. On another hand, I mourn the body that I used to have! Oh to actually have a flat stomach again! Ok, well, I never really had one of those, but it was firmer!

The truth? I would never, ever trade in this post-baby body because it would mean that I wouldn't have Jacob. And every stretch mark is worth it!!

So what part of your pre-baby body do you miss??

Wishing the time away....

So last night as I was feeding my fish on my blog, I kept thinking, I wonder if they'll grow up soon?! And then, it struck me. Just as I'm wishing my fish to grow up, I'm wishing my baby to grow up too. Another new mother said to me yesterday, "this is the only day my baby will be exactly this old, and try to enjoy whatever stage it is." So wise, dear friend!!

Is this what I'm doing every single day? I wake up hoping that today is the day he rolls over, instead of enjoying those little smiles and laughs I get. I just keep looking forward to what he'll be tomorrow, next year, in ten years instead of enjoying what he is today.

Is that our culture or is that just me? I keep thinking of the interviews I conducted and how I always asked "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Why can't the question be "Where do you see yourself right now?" I guess it wouldn't be as telling! But that should be my question to myself every day. I need to stop looking for the future and enjoy the present.

Do you do this too? If not, share your secret!!!!

What age is the best???

So I was talking to some other mothers on Sunday, and they were commenting how they wanted to go back to the baby stage because all you had to do was "give them a bottle." I almost stood up and yelled, "OH NO YOU DON'T!" I did contain myself a bit... by kindly reminding them that you do not sleep. Ever. Ok, slight exaggeration. You only sleep two hours or three hours at a time unless your babe likes you. Right now, mine doesn't.

So as I was discussing this with my mother (Shout out to Mom! Hello!!), she said she would remind me of this when Jacob is 2 and driving me batty. And then, she said something profound. Yes, mother, you want to write this day and time down. She said there are good parts and bad parts to each age.

How true!! I can't wait until Jacob can crawl. But then, he's crawling! I can't wait until he goes to school. But then I'll know less in his eyes and he'll be away from me for 8 hours! Although I'll be able to clean then! Heehee...

So, what was your favorite age of your child??? And what is the age you wanted to crawl in a ball and wait for it to all be over??

Kicking the binkie...

So I decided to do something dumb. Yeah, I'll call it dumb. I decided it was time to stop using the binkie. That it was time to wean him off of it. So, today, I cut the tip of the nipple. I think Jacob's mad at his mommy! I went to put him down for a nap and he looked disgusted. And then loud crying ensued. And then, a crazy thing happened! He sucked on his hand and fell asleep.

So, could it be that in the long run, this will actually work?? Will he actually learn to fall asleep with his hand and not the pacifier?? Only time will tell! But, is it worth it??? I hate to hear him cry, even though I know in the long run it will be better for him...

So, is that what this parenting is about? Deciding the hard decisions that may hurt temporarily in order for long-term happiness? This is going to be much harder than I thought! So, for now, I will comfort and calm my sweet child while we figure out how to fall asleep without that pacifier!

What is one thing you had to remove from your child to help them in the long run???

And, yep, I just gave him the non-cut pacifier. Sigh. I'm weak!

I'll never figure this out!!!

It seems that as soon as I think everything is figured out, Jacob decides to switch it up on me. He used to sleep so good. Do you remember that post about how I was bored because he kept sleeping??? Yeah, that came back to bite me in the tushie.

He was going from 10pm to 6am without eating. Last night? 11am to 4am. And he woke up at 2am for a pacifier. I WANT TO SLEEP!!! It's almost depressing. It's easy for him because he can sleep during the day to make up for it. But me?? No can do!

I read some article that said you need 5 hours of consecutive sleep (here? http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/parents-losing-sleep/) in order to function. I used to have that. And now it's GONE. Gone. Gone with the wind... Sigh.

I think he wants to keep me on my toes. He doesn't want his dear mommy to think she's got this thing figured out. So, what will be next?? We did growth spurts, so is this teething????? I HOPE NOT!!

What thing do you think you have figured out and then it just gets all jumbled up???

So very forgetful...

Yesterday I had an idea of what to write today. And then, when I woke up this morning, I had NO idea what it was. Absolutely none! Sigh... What is causing this? Why does it happen? Sigh...

A close friend called it "mom-nesia". Oh, how true that is! It seems that as soon as I got pregnant, the brain went out the window. I used to be able to rely on it so heavily, and now I can't! I can't remember simple words, I can't remember what I was doing two minutes ago, and I can't remember where I put things! Half of the time I feel like I'm walking in a fog!

So, will it ever come back? Will I ever have a brain again? I feel like my child should be smart because he took half of my brain cells!! I just hope he took the good ones and not the bad ones... HA!

So, what thing do you think you've lost? Do you still have your memory/mind/intelligence???

Don't mess with our routine!!

I believe it's been in the last few days that I've finally realized how much of a routine I've created for Jacob. I have worked so hard to get him to take his naps; to go to bed; to wait 3 hours to eat (granted, if he's hungry before that, I let him eat). But, oh, I have struggled and fought to get that in place! I think Jacob already knows that I mean business. That minute I walk in there and lay him down, he had better close his little eyes and drift into dreamland.

Last night, the routine changed. And it was disasterous. I think I made up that word. Anyway, it just didn't work. Jacob wouldn't go to sleep. He knew that the "enforcer" was not putting him to sleep, and so he worked his little charm to get back up a few times. I know he's only 3 months old, but I swear that kid knows things!!!!! I think already he knows who to manipulate to get his way. And he does it! Now, I have to admit, it was the cutest thing to hear him "talking" when he was supposed to be sleeping. But, oh how I crave for that quiet time to relax before I go to bed!

So, what's the moral? Don't mess with the routine! Yeah, maybe later I'll admit it should be more flexible. But, not right now! And let me tell you little boy... Momma is stubborn. And when she says it's time to go to bed, you ARE going to bed!

What thing do you want to tell people not to mess with???

Why I wake up in the morning...

The only reason I used to wake up in the morning was to go to work. And half the time, I stayed in my comatose sleeping state until approximately noon. It became so different after I had Jacob. I actually was ok with waking up! Now, don't get me wrong, I don't entirely enjoy it. But, I have a reason now to actually open my eyes. This is my reason:


If I'm having a bad day or he's being particularly grumpy, I just want to give up! But, then, the moment he shows me his upper gums and does his little laugh, I can do it. It's so amazing how that little smile just makes everything worthwhile!!

So, what is it that makes you get through the day??

And, a mad shout out to my dear friend who is in LABOR!! Many prayers for a safe and quick delivery!!

The trials of babes...

So we're having a bit of trouble in our household. The babe is not pooping. Really. He's been on meds, and still nothing. Nothing! Is this too personal?? Anyway, I have no idea what to do anymore. I've tried the bicycle legs, and many other things I'm not sure I should write about!!!

I feel helpless. Have you ever felt this way as a mother?? There's absolutely nothing I can do to help him. I would change places with him in a heartbeat! This intense love I have for this little bugger makes me want to change the entire world to make sure he's never in pain, never hurting, never unhappy.

I have to admit, that intense love took a bit to develop. But, as I woke up at 5:30 am and decided to make sure he was still breathing, it's definitely there now! It's amazing how such a small little baby can create such intense emotions in you. It's honestly nothing I have ever experienced before! And, for the rest of the day, I will be working on getting my babe to poop. Because, I hate that he's hurting!!

So, what thing makes you feel helpless??

The glow of a Grandmother...

So I was enjoying a lovely lunch with my dear friend at Honey Baked Ham (word!) and a new mother walked in with her baby as well as her parents. The funny part? Although I noticed the mom, it was the grandma that caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was the beaming smile that seemed to fill up the entire restaurant or the giddy look she had while looking at her newest grandchild.

It made me think of my mom and how excited she has been about Jacob. Partly, I think the glow is because they haven't been up every three hours and can give the baby back whenever it's hungry. But, another part of me thinks it's this amazing patience they have. My mom has said that before. When I'm about to be at the end of my rope, she just gently reminds me that this too shall pass and to breathe.

What is it about a grandmother that is so calming not only to the mom but to the baby?? I feel like they just exert patience and sweetness and kindness. Now, I know this isn't true for EVERY grandmother. And, I know that sometimes the grandmother offers advice you just don't like. But there's definitely something to be said for that patience!!!

What's your favorite part about having "grandma" in your life???

The club of motherhood...

Today was Jacob's very first play date! Alright, he slept in his stroller while I talked to other mom's with toddlers. It was a BLAST! The one woman in MOPS told us that play dates were more for the moms than the kids. I AGREE. Especially since most of the moms sat and chatted while their kids worked on their riding skills. It was so nice to spend some time with other moms who understood why you had throw-up on your shoulder and were dressed in a t-shirt. Speaking of which, I better get myself some nicer clothes for play dates! Haha!

It just reminds me of how neat this new club of motherhood is that I've joined. I think as soon as you become pregnant, you become a member. It's one membership that requires no fees and has no obligations (except, of course, being in possession of a child!). It starts off with those sweet looks of understanding when your can't see past your toes any longer. Then it goes to the compassion when your child won't stop screaming. Then the knowledgeable look of "we've been there" when they just won't listen.

I'm so very glad I joined this new group! It's definitely been so neat to meet other mom's and know that they understand every struggle I'm going through, because they've been there too. And even though they now look so put together and clean, I know they use to wear t-shirts with spit-up on them too.

So what was the moment you realized you were part of a new club called motherhood??

The art of sleep...

Something strange is happening to my baby. Something very, very strange. He wants to sleep. Yes, that's right, you read it correctly! He's been sleeping 8 hours at night, and 2 hour naps. Where did this baby come from??? And I definitely do not want him to go away!!!

It seems like the last 3 months my entire goal of every day was getting my bugger to nap and sleep at night. And now he's doing it!! So, what do I do with myself now?? I was trying to think of some things...

1. Nap. Oh wait, I'm getting 6 hours of straight sleep! Guess not...
2. Clean. Nope, definitely not this one.
3. Go through the pile of boxes from college. Nahhh. They've been fine for 3 years, what's another year?
4. Print off pictures. This I could do, but I've been spending lots of money lately, and I don't think hubby would be pleased.
5. Read a book? This has potential!
6. Watch TV? Yep, this sounds good!

What things do you do when your little one naps?? I need ideas!!!!

Trying to be perfect...

Have you ever felt like you need to be the perfect mom? (Or dad, sibling, child, etc.) I had been beating myself up a bit because I had left breastmilk out for 10 hours and it got nasty. Seriously nasty! And someone said to me, "If you haven't figured it out yet, you can't be a perfect parent." I sat there thinking, but I'm not trying to be perfect! And then it dawned on me - yep, I was trying! I wanted to be the best mom ever and I never wanted anyone to look at me and think, my what a bad parent!

I guess the realization came to me recently because I had to supplement with formula last night. It made me feel like a failure that I could not breastfeed my child to his satisfaction. Does that really make me a bad person?? Does that make me less of a mom?? Absolutely not!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

The world definitely has its pressures for mom's. But if we don't live up to the world's standards, what does it matter?? If everyone else believes a child should be formula fed and you breastfeed, what does it matter?? Isn't the important part that your child is fed and thriving??

No, I will never be perfect. And neither will you! But perfection as a mom is not based on whether or not we do everything the world wants us to. It's based on loving our child the best way we know how to.

What was the moment you realized you weren't a perfect mom??

Staying in Control... or not!

So, we are going away for the weekend to my husband's parents! I'm very excited to see them and spend some time, but also worried about our trip, etc. This isn't the first time we've traveled, but it still makes me nervous! And, it's supposed to actually get cold this weekend! So, it's the first time Jacob will be wearing a sweater! Ha - how funny that this is what I get excited about nowadays!!

Of course, my goal is to keep everything in my control. Jacob will sleep and eat on the trip when I want him to, he will take his naps when I tell him to, he will sleep over the weekend when I tell him too... Are any of you other mom's laughing?? Can I say, YEAH RIGHT!

I met a mom at a friend's wedding a few weekends ago. The one thing she said to me that continually sticks with me is that when I try to control things, they because even more out of my control. HOW TRUE!! This child thing has made me more flexible than I ever thought I could be! And, I'm really not even that flexible!!

So, what does that mean for this weekend?? That means, I need to relax! If he needs to eat while we travel, then we'll stop and feed him. If he doesn't nap when he's supposed to, we'll fix it next week.

What thing(s) do you try to control that never seems to work??

New Mom Advice...

So, today was the busiest I think I've been since Jacob was born!! I went to our MOPS program this morning, started a biblestudy with a friend this afternoon, and am going to a party to celebrate my husband's successful defense of his thesis!! WHEW! I am TIRED. All I want is to curl up in a ball and sleep for a month or two!!

At MOPS today, I met a soon-to-be mom. All I said to her was, "SLEEP NOW!" Ok, I may have said it about ten times. Anyway, it made me think of all the advice I received when I was pregnant. It was pretty constant! But, now, being a mom, I've decided it's time for me to give my advice too! Why? Because I know what she's feeling!!

Isn't it funny?? While pregnant, I enjoyed the stories, but a lot were over the top. So, now, with this new found knowledge, what should I impart to new mom's?? What nuggets of wisdom do I have that I can help them with??

I mean, there are just so many things!! My dear friend Kate can attest, as I talked her ear off a few weeks ago with everything I wish I had known before I gave birth! So, let's limit it to the top 5. Here's what I want every pregnant woman to know...

1. Getting up to pee is not like getting up to nurse. When you get up to pee, you easily and quickly fall back asleep. You are not responsible for picking up a squirming baby, feeding and burping baby without dropping them, and getting them back to sleep safely. I specifically remember falling asleep burping Jacob one night. It was a second, but it was crazy!!
   
2. The intense love everyone talks about may not come right away. I think it took me a month to really intensely love Jacob. I was his fierce protector, but a little jealous that my relationship with my husband would never be the same again...
3. Talking about bodily functions is normal. You will talk about your child's bowel movements and how many wet diapers they have a day. And, if you're breastfeeding, those suckers will leak. EVERYWHERE.
4. Speaking of leaking, make sure you have something to get out of the shower with. They will leak immediately and you will not be able to move. Really.
5. No matter how bad your day is, when you get home or the baby wakes up and he/she gives you a smile, everything will melt away. And, in that moment, it is ALL worth it. Every single moment!

So, what advice would you give a pregnant woman?? And what advice did you hate receiving??

Loving my cookies...

For some reason, staying at home has made me a cookie monster. Yes, a cookie monster. Baby is sleeping?? Eat a cookie! Laundry is half-done?? Eat a cookie! What is so addicting about those darn cookies??

So after I lost all of my baby weight in two weeks, it started to creep back on. See, you don't have to be jealous! I'm getting fatter again! And you know, I realized it was the cookies. Duh me!! I wanted to blame it on what was in the cookies, but after eating 8+ a day, it OBVIOUSLY was not the cookies!

So, now I'm trying to eat 4 cookies a day. They're oreo's so they are tiny. That's what I like to tell myself. I find that my down times make me want to eat. So the new goal? No down time! I need to occupy myself all of the time. What could that mean?? Drinking water instead of eating cookies. Surfing the web a bit. Cleaning something dirty. Exercising.

Will the cookies win or will I? Stay tuned!

And, what is your guilty pleasure? Food? Internet? Cleaning?