My heart...

... is not in a good place. I didn't write yesterday because I'm just not feeling it. All I want to do is eat oreo's, coca-cola and bread and take a nap. I don't want to be around people and deal with things. I want to be by myself with my child and loving on him. Lots of loving on him!

I've decided that being a stay-at-home mom means that I can dwell on things longer than I normally would. When my heart isn't in the right place, I can stew and think about all the issues all day long. There's nothing to distract me. When I was working, I could become so engrossed in my work that I could temporarily forget about my heart and focus on something else for awhile.

The problem with my heart being in a bad place is that it's affecting everyone and everything around me. It would be so nice if my bad heart would just sit itself in a corner until it was happy again. But it affects my marriage and my relationship with my child. And how is my child supposed to learn to have a happy heart if his momma doesn't??

So, pray for my heart. Pray that it moves itself into a good place.

What have you done to change your bad heart to a good heart???

What is my purpose??

The last few months, one of my biggest struggles is figuring out what my purpose is. What is the purpose of my current season of life?? Obviously, part of it is taking care of Jacob. At least, I hope so, because that's what I'm doing most of the time!! But I keep wondering if there's something more that I'm missing. Am I supposed to be reaching out more than I am to other mom's? Am I supposed to be devoting my spare time to other things than watching The Closer??

I would think anyone would say that there are more important things than The Closer! HA. But what else is out there? What am I missing? Even when I was working, this weighed heavily on me. I feel like doctors and nurses have the purpose of saving lives every day. My husband's purpose is to educate students and prepare them for the real world. And although my purpose is important, it doesn't feel like it's enough.

Isn't that silly? Raising a child isn't "enough"? Shouldn't I know by now that the most important job anyone can ever have is to raise a child?? But there is something in me that tells me it's not important enough. Maybe it's because it will never land me on a television show, no one will ever give me a Pulitzer (let's be honest, I had to google that to spell it correctly), and I'll never be a CEO. Is this what I think real success is? Is real success being recognized by the world?? Because a mother is most usually not recognized by the above things. The only person who recognizes their work is the child themselves.

So, what is your purpose?? And Mom, THANK YOU for raising me!!!!!

Another play date!

I'm so excited! Tomorrow is a play date with some mommies from my home group. As long as Jacob is feeling better (cross your fingers and send us some good vibes & prayers!) we will be attending! I'm so looking forward to it I can't wait. And, it's at 10am, so that means I don't have to get up super early!! Yay!!

Does it matter that my child is almost 6 months and doesn't play?! Absolutely not! Someone said that play dates are more for mommy than for baby. And I totally agree! Some adult time and conversation is exactly what I need! Yes, there will still be crying and fussing, but it won't just be me vs. baby. It'll be me and some other mommies vs. a few kids. And where there are numbers, there is POWER! Heehee...

I won't have to clean, or pick up toys either. I'll get to sit and chat. I'll get a mental break! You won't find me singing the ABC's or picking lint out of toes either. Because that would just be weird in public! Yes, I'll still have to bring blankies and binkies and little animals that sing. But for a few minutes tomorrow, I'll get to talk to people who can talk back. And I am EXCITED about that!!

What is your favorite part of play dates???

I like to read...

I didn't post yesterday because I was engrossed in a book. That's right, my nerdiness level just jumped about 20 points. And that's not in the good direction! I would have to say my one and only hobby is reading. And I really, really like to read. So, when my mother gave me six books for my reading enjoyment, I knew it would be dangerous.

You see, I am a skimming reader. I try to skip over the descriptions (who really cares about what the flower looked like... ya know?) and get to the important stuff. Sometimes I miss an important point, so I have to review. But, for the most part, I don't miss anything important. So, because of this, I can read a 300 page book in a day.

Here's the issue. Now that I have a child, I can't block out the entire world and spend a day wrapped in an afghan drinking hot chocolate in my own little world. Now I have to actually put the book down and take care of Jacob when he wakes up. This is very hard!! I get so engrossed in the book that the characters become real. And a crying child is usually not in my books.

So the moral is I'm not sure if this is a hobby I have to give up, if I can only partake when Josh is home, or if I need to learn to detach better from the imaginary characters. Just because they're not real doesn't mean I shouldn't be involved in their lives!!!

Did you have to give up or modify a hobby once your little one was born???

Talking talking talking...

I think it's safe to say that Jacob will be a verbal person like his mommy. Daddy's just a tad bit quieter than mommy. Hahaha, ok a lot quieter than mommy! But our little boy? He LOVES to talk. I have to admit it's pretty darn cute. Well, as long as it's not in the morning.

You see, he started this new little habit. When he wakes up, we bring him into our bed for a little bit more sleep time and a slower start to our day. Well, that was the idea anyway. Now, he has decided that he would like to talk instead. So, while Josh and I have our eyes closed and try to fall back asleep, our little bumpkin is "telling" us all about his night.

But it truly doesn't stop there. Throughout the day he'll all of the sudden start yelling. I can't figure out what causes it or where it starts, but he loves to tell me things. He'll put his hands on my face and talk away. And that is not Josh. That is me. HA!

Who does your child(ren) take after??

Laundry, how I hate you...

Yesterday, I did two loads of laundry. Today, I did one. And I hate it. HATE LAUNDRY. I don't mind washing it or drying it. It's the folding that gets me. Yes, it's nice to have that ugly pile into a neat little stack, but getting there is atrocious.

Somewhere between pulling the laundry out of the dryer and getting it to the floor (or bed, or wherever), I lose a sock or two. Clothes fall on the ground. And then they're not clean anymore. But I am NOT going to wash them again! So then to the folding area they go.

When we first got married, Josh showed me how he liked his shirts folded. Well, for three year I did it that way. Somewhere around having Jacob, I decided it would no longer be that way. Now they are folded the way I want them folded. And I still find them a pain!

If someone could PLEASE invent a folder I would love you forever. You would be my best friend and I would give you kisses. Lots and lots of kisses. And some hugs too.

What is your least favorite part of laundry??

Quid Pro Quo...

According to Wikipedia, "Quid pro quo (From the Latin meaning "What for what?") indicates a more-or-less equal exchange or substitution of goods or services."

For example, when I let my husband sleep in yesterday morning, I want to sleep in this morning. An equal exchange. I think this is something that should be required. If I wash bottles one evening, the next evening it should be his turn. If I change a poopy diaper, the next poopy diaper is his.

For some reason, he does not understand this concept. I think I need to read him the definition again. Maybe because I'm home all day and he works?? Just because I have a show line-up and still haven't written my five thank-yous from September means nothing (I swear I'm getting them to you!!!). Nothing, I say.

So, yes, I was a grumpy monster this morning when I realized I would not be able to sleep in. My mother can attest to this fact, as can Jacob. But I got over it. Maybe that's the mom thing... even when you don't have quid pro quo, you can still survive and get through the day.

Maybe I'll get to sleep in tomorrow... or, eighteen years from now.

What was one thing you did that you wished for an equal exchange???

Bruises everywhere...

Honestly, I'm afraid people are going to think Josh is hitting me. If you know Josh, you KNOW that's not true!!!! I could beat him up any day of the week :-D. So, anyway, back to the bruises. Yesterday, I found a black and blue mark on my arm. I cannot for the life of me remember where or when I got this bruise. Ugggh.

So it takes me back to my pregnancy days. For most of my life, I have been a klutz. And it never got better. In fact, it got worse. While pregnant, I would run into doors, walls, whatever was in front of me. Don't worry, I apologized to Jacob! I think I just didn't know how big I was. At least, that makes me feel better about things.

But now, I still run into things. And Jacob isn't in my belly. So, what gives???? Did I lose my depth perception? Just yesterday I almost fell trying to open the blinds. Yes, you read it right. Opening the blinds. Seriously, how can one almost fall doing that?!?!? I just keep hoping somehow I get my balance back and lose this klutziness!!!!

What thing did you run into lately??

I am the formula queen...

So Jacob is on a new formula as of his last doctor's appointment. We put him on a soy formula to help with his reflux. He's doing SO much better with it! It smells nasty though... but, hey, it works! So in order for him to eat, I need to have this formula. Obvious, right? Yep!

So first I went to Kroger (where we normally shop). Did they have it? No. I figured of COURSE Walmart would have some! I stopped by, ONE CAN. One measly can! How am I supposed to feed my kid with one can?!?!? Ok, it'll last for a week or so, but I need more than that.

So I went to Target. I bought EIGHT cans of formula. These are not the sample cans. They are the HUGE cans. Did you see that? EIGHT. I cleaned off their shelf. There is none left after I exited the store.

I think there's some internal crazy mom that comes out when I need to feed my child. I've threatened people in the road who are going to slow if it's time for Jacob to eat and they are in my way. I'm ready to TACKLE them. Yes, tackle. So, of course, I would need eight cans. Because obviously two wouldn't do it.

What crazy feeding-your-child mom thing have you done?!?

Itchy itchy itchy!!!

I have a problem. I'm itchy. I've been itchy before, but not like this. It started around the third trimester of my pregnancy. Everywhere. No matter what I did, I itched. Now, it's not like PUPPPS (is that right? anyway, I hear that is HORRIBLE). But it's itching, nonetheless! So it was one of those things I expected to end with pregnancy.

And then it continued. The worst? My armpits would itch when I was breastfeeding. Do you know how hard it is to itch when you're breastfeeding?? If you don't, let me sum it up for you. IT'S HARD. Ha! So as I was reading up to find out if I have issues, I found out that when you breastfeed, there is a gland that sweats that makes your armpit itches. Interesting, eh??

Here's my problem. I stopped breastfeeding. And my armpits? They're still itchy. This is an issue in public. At home, I can itch and itch and itch. In public? I look like a monkey. I've tried creams, moisturizers, body oils... nothing helps. It just itches, and itches and itches! So if you see me in public itching, no laughing, ok?

Do any of you have this issue?? If you do/did, what helped???

A sick household...

Yep, we're sick. All of us. It didn't start that way though. First, the baby got sick. Then daddy. Now mommy. This makes me unhappy. In my past life, I could take a sick day. I could lay on the sofa all day, sipping my hot tea (or whatever would make me feel better), sleep all day, and drug myself. Now? Hahahaha. Like I could do any of that!

So, now, with a sore throat, throbbing head, and stuffy nose, I get to still get up 3 times in the middle of the night and drink my hot tea when Jacob is napping. This mothering thing is not so nice sometimes! Where is my sick day?!?! These are the days I wish I could ship Jacob to daycare. Sorry baby, momma isn't feeling well. Someone else is going to take care of you until I feel better. LOL.

At least I have my husband's promise that as soon as he's feeling better, he'll let me sleep for a night. So, here's to praying and hoping he gets better SOON! Heehee.

What is your least favorite part of being sick or attending a sick one??

Seasoned Moms!!!!

This is a call-out for my seasoned mommies. I have had so many people tell me they read my blog, but that they don't post any comments. Sure, that's ok. But, do you realize, WE NEED YOU?!?! You, my friend, have been through this. You know what to do. Sure, your youngest may be writing this blog, or you may only have one child at home, but it's time you give us young-un's advice!

I was having a conversation with my dear aunt, where she has determined she is not cool enough to be posting comments. Wait a minute!!!!! You've had three children who all have turned out remarkably well (right??) and I need your advice! And, mother, you need to be giving advice too! How are we young ones supposed to do this if we don't see the end result? If we don't know that others have survived and lived to tell about it?!?

So, since I ask advice from my mother on a daily basis, I want advice from every momma, old and young! New or experienced! And if I don't get it, I'm coming to find you. I promise! And then I'm giving you my child for a night and taking a nap....

Do you promise to comment??

My child is bipolar...

Let's start with this post probably isn't going where you think it will.

With that said, my child has two personalities. He has a certain personality with his mother, and one with everyone else. And the one with everyone else is MUCH different than the one with me! My child loves to scream with me. He will very loudly tell me when he wants to nap or when he wants to be awake. He tells me when he wants to eat and when he wants to play.

But then, when he gets with grandma, his aunt, babysitters, nursery workers, it's like another child has formed! He is sweet, and giggles and is just the happiest little boy. What is this phenomenon? Does this happen with every child??? I guess it's a good thing that he likes other people, but what about his mommy?? I guess I can think of it that he trusts me enough to be himself. HA. As long as I get the happy parts along with the crying parts, I think I can handle it!

Does your child have a different personality around different people???

Party Time!!!!!

Today, my nephew is one. ONE! Can you believe it?? I can't!! It definitely takes me back to November 5, 2009. I'm sure it takes my sister-in-law back too in a different way!! HA. But I remember getting the phone call that she was going in for delivery, and then my brother called when he was born. There was just such a joy knowing that my first nephew was born and I was going to get to love on this little boy like none other!

And now, a year! Mad props to my sister-in-law and brother for surviving it! HA. It definitely makes me realize that I can do it too! At least, I hope so. I mean, really, is there an alternative?? I think not! But watching them go through all of these ups and downs shows me that I can do it too. Honestly, my sister-in-law and brother have become my role models (along with our parents)! Whether or not they like it! I totally look up to how they are raising Shane with consistency and love. And I want to be like that too!

Now granted, our children will not turn out like clones, but if Jacob is as sweet and kind as Shane is at one, I will count my blessings! But for now, I'm going to party. Because, who doesn't like watching a little boy eat cake and his first ice cream?!? I know I do!!!

Who do you look up to in parenting??

Grumpy Gills...

A very good friend in college's actions 4 years ago always makes me laugh when I hear this phrase. Totally defeats the purpose!! (Kathryn and your pretend gills...)

Anyway, I'm a bit of a grump today. I think it's the nasty outside weather. I think that it's because I was up at 2am (unstuck arm from crib slot), 4am (feeding) and 6:30am (food for MOPS!). Boooooo. Although MOPS was pretty stinkin' awesome. As always! If you have one near you, get your tushie to it!!

So the topic of MOPS today was dealing with hard issues. We discussed some awesome things, like potty training, dealing with toddler questions, separation anxiety and sleeping through the night. Obviously, the last one is my issue! So many women supported Babywise (which is what we've been attempting to do) which shocked me! Definitely the quiet force... And yet, their babies sleep and mine really doesn't (yes, 7 hours straight is awesome! But I want 12!!!!!). So as I kept talking to other moms, I realized the issue was that I haven't let Jacob cry-it-out.

Now, crying it out is not as horrible as it sounds. If I let him "cry it out", it would be in small intervals where I calmed him every so often. But I can't even seem to do this. At 4am, I don't want to calm him every five minutes. I want to SLEEP. In my mind I realize that if I do this for a few days straight, I could have 12 hours of sleep for months. Yet it just doesn't seem like I should do it. Sigh.

So this is why I'm grumpy. I can't figure out what to do. It's like Paul talks about in Acts how you know the good you ought to do but don't do it. I know what will be best in the long run, but can't handle the short run. And most of me thinks I should just be happy with 7 hours. Ugh.

I need advice. What would you do???

I have a...

Muffin top. This blog is supposed to be about honesty. And frankly, I can't get anymore honest than this. Now, you skinny no-baby ladies, hush up. And stop making that face. One day, this will be you... and you will think back on this post and realize the truth I am speaking.

Yes, I used to fit into my pants. If I had a bit of a muffin top, I knew it was time to change jean sizes. But it's different now. I'm not upgrading my jean size. My pants fit everywhere except for the belly area. And I will NOT be upping jean sizes. If I do, I might eat myself into oblivion. So I will have the muffin top. And I will not be proud.

But there are ways to help out the situation!

1. Spanx. God's gift to women.
2. Baggy shirts. Although this is a dead giveaway that there's some muffin topping underneath.
3. Sweatpants. This cures the muffin top.

Which one will I choose??? I'm not telling!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which would you choose??? (Don't worry, I know you don't have a muffin top!!)

I love me some errands!

Well, last night, I didn't sleep. Jacob was up at 2am... oh well. Once a night isn't too bad!! But mommy was very excited because daddy has the day off!! Yay for voting!! I was pretty stoked to have some help for the day and someone else to love on sweet Jacob all day!

So we decided to take a trip and get some errands done. We visited daddy's office, went to AutoZone and Target. And you know what, I had a blast!! I was chatting with my sister-in-law at AutoZone. She didn't want to interrupt, but I was a-ok since what woman enjoys AutoZone?!?! And we were commenting how even though that's not a place we enjoy, we enjoy being out of the house! Oh how true that is!! To be in the sunshine, and not looking at my four walls, it was just great.

I never thought I would love errands so much. I even love grocery shopping! Except the sweating that occurs when dragging the groceries in... hahaha. There's just something so therapeutic with the outside world! And being in nature... mmmmm!! Ok, now I want to go back outside again!!

What is your favorite errand to run and why?!

Last Night, I slept....

Mmmmm. Gloriousness. I slept for 7 hours STRAIGHT. Did you get that?? 7 HOURS STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! I could have slept longer (Jacob actually slept 10 hours straight) but I had to go potty. This was the first time in 13 months that I have actually slept a full night. Wowee!! And the funny part? I don't feel that much more rested!!

I feel like finally our day has come. Finally we will sleep in this house! Except that Jacob was so exhausted last night he screamed instead of eating. So I'm pretty sure we'll get 2 hours of sleep tonight. Ha. It always seems like the day I feel we've turned the corner is the day that everything falls apart. I wonder when I will realize that this sleep thing is not under my control!

When Jacob stopped sleeping around 3.5 months, I tried everything. Shorter naps, longer naps, more wake time, less wake time, solids, no solids, earlier bed time, later bed time. NOTHING worked! I think it's finally beginning to sink in that no matter what schedule I put him on or what outside controls I try to use, he will still do what he wants. Let's just hope he wants to sleep!!!

Do you remember the first night your little one slept through the night?? What was your reaction??